Monday, December 7, 2009

When I Need Something More

Revelations 3:20: "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock; if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come unto him, and will sup with him, and he with me."

There are times when I feel down, maybe even depressed. Sometimes I feel this way because of bad things that have happened, and other times I can't pin point the reasons why. Usually, a good run or a hug from a loved one will quickly cheer me up.

Yet, there are times when I can find no comfort in...anything or anyone. In these rare, but bitter moments I feel as though I will shrivel up in my tears. Wow, I know that I sound like I have an unhealthy case of depression, which is definately not true. What I'm saying is, we all have moments like this, right?

Everyone one of us goes through this at one time or another. We live in a bleak world, with many problems, imperfect people and I know that the advesary uses all of these tactics to destroy us. He tries to make us feel worthless, hopeless and weighed down. We are enticed by the things of the world (good things as well as bad) because we have been taught that these things will make us happy- more money, being better looking, being smarter, more talented...etc. More, more and more! It's never good enough; if you are not better than your neighbor you are not as valuable.

Now, it is wonderful to have dreams and goals of the things that you want to attain. There's nothing wrong with trying to make more money through hard work, becoming healthier and loving your body and improving talents. However, the key to happiness is to not compare yourself with others.

In the game of comparing, no one ever wins. Every aspect of the world revolves around these comparisons we make, and it will take me a lifetime to continue to let go of comparing myself to others. As I have made leaps in this process of getting out of this game, I have felt so much more free and happy. One leap was probably my senior year of high school. Graduation suddenly felt like moments away and I realized how none of the exclusive cliques and the judgements from my peers really mattered. If I had only "let go" sooner, I would have enjoyed high school so much more.

Well, I'm blabbing a bit, so I'll get back to the point that I talked about at first. We've all had our moments where we feel really depressed. We seek happiness in material things and that doesn't last long. Even after talking for hours on the phone to a best friend, we still feel lonely.

One thing that I do a lot is make goals to solve my problem. "If I study this much, I will be smarter and then I can feel good about myself." Good goal, wrong motive. Inaccurate motive, because worth is not dependent upon how smart, good looking or even how righteous you are. The infinite worth of every person is unchangeable.

So, when I have these times where I am in anguish and question my self-worth, gravity pulls me to my knees. I am incredibly humbled as I know that there is one who knows how I feel. My older brother, Jesus, loves me perfectly. I am a precious gem to Him. He probably thought this prior to His atonement, because that is how He was able to endure His anguish- His bursting, powerful love for me sustained Him. He loved/s me as an individual, and He loves each person that ever lived as an individual, with that kind of love.

Christ-like love! - The kind of love that I feel when one of my friends comes to me for a shoulder to cry on. As she tells me about how bad she feels about herself I want to tell her, "Oh, if only you could see yourself through my eyes and why I love you so much". I am sure that our Savior feels this way daily for each of us- "If only you could see yourself through my eyes and know why I love you so much. " He knows our imperfections more than we know each other's, yet He loves us more than we love each other. That's amazing. He not only loves us despite our imperfections, and sees more good and potential than anyone else can.

Jesus Christ wouldn't mean very much to me personally if it was not for His infinite sacrifice. I have a testimony that He is the Savior and Redeemer of the world. He lived on earth so long ago; nevertheless, His life, miracles, atonement and ressurection took place, and were real instances. Not only will I be ressurected physically after death, but my spirit can be reborn and break the chains of spiritual death. This has happened a few times in my life and has been immensely liberating, joyous and miraculous.

So, what I am stabbing at is the principle that when I cannot find comfort in anything, there is only one source where I can turn to and never be disapointed- Christ. Through prayer, reading the words in the scriptures and in priesthood blessings I find relief and peace. In prayer, Heavenly Father listens to me more intently, empathetically and longer than any person I know. I'm a woman- and when I need to spill it, I could go on for hours:) By reading the words in the bible, Book of Mormon and Doctrine and Covenants, I receive comfort in the words that the prophets were instructed to record to counsel me in this day and age, in my personal life. Through priesthood blessings, Heavenly Father can give me words of guidance and comfort that are personal to me. The Holy Ghost bears witness that God is my Heavenly Father, Christ is my Savior and of their perfect love.

Jesus Christ will forever have His arms extended out to me, anticipating the times when I desire to come to Him, with a "broken heart and a contrite spirit". Synonymous to what it says in Revelations 3:20, Doctrine and Covenants 88: 63 reads, "Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you. "

All I need to do is ask with real intent, and a pure heart. Only He can fulfill all of my needs. My problems may not vanish, but my soul will be uplifted and invigorated to accomplish what I need to. With Him, I feel complete and whole- it's a feeling that one can only relate to, and never define. The comfort that we can receive from Him is real and powerful. It is through His atonement that we are saved- not only after death; but to me, saved daily from the trials and sorrows that weigh me down. Now, that is a miracle.